At 8:45am with Ren driving, there's a sudden loss of acceleration. As in, only coasting momentum. Like, the engine makes noise, but the bus says "you do you fam, but I ain't doing shit." Ren asks me what to do as if I can somehow fix the problem while we coast down I-80 at 70mph. "You need to pull over and put the hazards on" I tell her. She manages this feat and we find ourselves staring at each with the "how fucked are we?" looks on our faces. As it turns out, we were about as fucked as fucked gets.
I'm aware of a leak of ATF, so I check the dipstick and notice it's bone dry (it was full when we left NY.) This is no bueno. I don't know much about transmissions, but I'm pretty sure that they need lubricant to not blow up. Ok, I got RV roadside assistance for just such an occasion. We call and insist that we don't need a tow, but actually just need a delivery of ATF and then we can drive ourselves to a shop and get things sorted out. Roadside assistance says 90 minutes. "Wow, that sucks" we think, especially because it's somehow 90 degrees at 9am and the wind shear of passing semi trucks is making the bus shake back and forth. It's not like we have a choice, so we wait.
After 2 hours, I decide to call the tow company and see what's up. Apparently this was a bad idea because it is obviously my fault for breaking down "in the middle of nowhere" and "it's hard to find transmission fluid for such a specific vehicle." More on these claims later. In any event, questioning the integrity of such an experienced tow truck professional by asking when they might be able to make good on the promise they gave to the company that hired them to come rescue us was sufficient to justify 1) yelling at me 2) hanging up on me and 3) calling the roadside assistance company and cancelling the service call. Ever been so mad that you were visible shaking? That was me.
So I guess we call roadside assistance again? And wait another 2 hours? Ok, but Google says there is an Autozone 3 miles away from our location that sells the super rare ATF we need. Sure, there's a heat index of 103 deg F, but I don't really want Ren to see me shake with rage, and I haven't gotten my workouts in recently so I decide to take a walk. Don't worry - I lathered up with t-shirt level sunscreen (Ren's pretty anti-sunburn, I think it was overkill), took a liter of water and a backup battery for my phone and I set out (it's now 11am).
I get to Autozone around noon and am helped by the amazing Anne. She recommends a bottle of transmission stop leak, sells me the ATF I need, and catches the hints I'm carefully dropping that I have to walk this shit 3 miles back to the turnpike. She immediately offers to drive me back to the turnpike entrance which literally brings me to tears (I'm also probably suffering from heat stroke at this point, but it was still a kind gesture).
Get back to the bus roughly 45 minutes before the second rescue was scheduled to arrive and get to work.
While not immediately obvious, this is a picture of me pouring $50 down the toilet. Because while yes, the ATF was completely empty, the damage had been done and this was not going to do anything to fix it. So we wait, and ultimately are rescued by a reputable tow truck company around 2pm. (Apparently with the turnpike being a restricted roadway, there were limited options to begin with- something our roadside assistance located not in Ohio discovered between calling trucks one and two.)
Not pictured: there are only two seats in the tow truck, so someone had to sit on someone's lap. I'll let you guess how we sorted that out. (GIF selected by Ren herself.)
Fun surprise was the tow truck driver asking us where to go - uhh...don't I pay people to make those kind of decisions? Isn't that what roadside assistance is for? I'm in the middle of the goddamn Ohio Turnpike, am I supposed to know where the nearest transmission shop is? Ok, so I Google it and call one to make sure they can handle the bus, which they can, but apparently they couldn't really handle the tow truck.
Big shout out to Earl Bros. Transmission in Fremont, OH. Super friendly, helpful, and understanding of the situation, the timeline and the holiday. They let us stockpile our stuff in their office while we waited for the rental car to come pick us up because 1) the cats were overheating and 2) it was starting to rain (you know, because why not?).
Another big shout out to Terry & Bonnie at the Enterprise Car Rental in Fremont, OH. Terry is originally from Grand Rapids and picked us up from the shop around 4pm. Bonnie was so sympathetic to our plight that she made sure we got what we needed to get to Michigan safely with two cats and a bunch of gear.
So after leaving the service area at 7am and expecting to get to the cottage by noon, we finally arrived at 7pm. We missed our dinner reservations with the family and experienced some amazing customer service, along with some of the very worst. As it currently stands, we're optimistically hoping to get the bus back on Friday which means our summer travels will actually not be impacted in the slightest (my bank account will be, but what's the point of earning money if you're not forced to spend large sums of it unexpectedly on vacation?).
Oh, and for an added bonus, this little shithead decided to play hide and seek for almost 24 hours by locking herself in closet.
